Chapter 30: Inner Demons
Cara’s pov
The ride back was tense and stiff and it was all because of me. I was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and would have if it wasn’t for Gina’s expert tactfulness. She was really raised to be a made man’s wife. Unlike me, she knew when to shut up and feign ignorance.
Originally, we planned to have brunch at her favorite restaurant after her wedding dress appointment. That was the agenda before Suzie, Anna and Bree. Right now, all I wanted was to go back to the solitary of my apartment and be tormented by the demon that was my past. As if on cue, a Nikon billboard ad breezed past our zooming car.
Smile for the camera, you have to look like a happy whore.
“Cara?” Gina called out, staring at my lap, her eyes the size of saucers, dismay permeating her face. I followed her eyes down and found the fingers of one hand scratching ruthlessly on the wrist of the other. It was so bad there was blood on the bruised skin.
I quickly buried the mess into the gap between my thighs.
“Oh,” I let out a shaky chuckle. “Just nerves.” I lied.
Gina was going say something, her lips parted to form the words but I returned my attention to the window. Not wanting to hear it.
Don’t ask about him, don’t ask about him, don’t ask about him.
She doesn’t, and if I wasn’t such a complete wreck right now, I would have kissed her in appreciation.
The heavy silence returned and stayed all the way back to the familiar surroundings of my neighbourhood. I attempted joviality when we pulled up at my place, trying my hand at pretending nothing ever happened. It was how I dealt with issues like this, a coward’s move I know but I would choose it over getting vulnerable with anyone and letting them in on my woes.
Just the thought of it made me visibly shudder.
“I had so much fun today,” I said, forcing a cheeriness I didn’t feel into my voice. “Thanks for bringing me along.”
Gina’s look was leery and doubtful but a resigned sigh left her. “I’m glad you did.”
I threw her a strained grin and proceeded to get out from the cozy car.
“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.” Gina rushed to say and I instantly knew she knew I was leaving to go beat myself up in my apartment.
My hand tightened on the door handle and I suddenly felt the irritational need to burst into tears and quit being strong. Nobody had given a fuck until her. Nobody had proposed the comfort she was so willing to offer.
However, I responded with nothing but a nod as I made my way out, watching with a wave as the car reversed away and disappeared.
I wasn’t prepared for the drooping weight of loneliness that hit me. And I was thrown off by it.
Being alone was something I was used to. It was something I required in moments like this when I wanted to battle my demons. It was something I needed to temporarily fix myself up before appearing back in public with the devil may care persona I wore like a mascot costume.
But I found myself craving Gina’s company and the consolations she would give. And I resented her for it even though it wasn’t her fault I had become stupid enough to trust her that much. To rely on her that much.
I jerked my eyes up to blink back the stinging tears of frustration filling them. They should hold back for a few more minutes until I’m behind the safety of my door.
The walk up to my apartment was a mindless one, one minute I was downstairs in the open air and the next I was pushing into the narrow doorway. I dropped my purse to the floor, my cropped leather jacket following seconds after. I didn’t even bother with my boots before falling down on my bed with a low thump.
The voices wasted no time in assaulting me, sending rows after rows of the tormenting arrows that were their words and soon I was reliving those nights again. And just like always, there was no one to save me from their cold grasp.
***
I woke up to the incessant ringing of my phone. The moment I opened my eyes it felt like my head was spilting into two. Blurry-eyed, I looked around to register my surroundings; I was on the kitchen floor still wearing the outfit I wore to Gina’s dress fitting.
Weird, I remembered being in my bedroom.
My phone rung into the quiet air again and I staggered to my feet to go fetch it, my hand pressed to my head to keep it from bursting into bits.
I tripped over some empty beer bottles and fell back to the ground.
“Ow!” I hissed, glaring at the bottles I was yet to realize how they got there. I frowned at the mess, what the hell happened last night? Or was it the next day already? I had no idea.
The shrill noise of my phone started again and I attempted to get up yet again, this time more careful about where I put my feet. I found the device lying on my couch after a brief, aggravating search.
“Hello,” I breathed into the phone, my voice sounding scratchy and gravelly.
“Cara,” was my mother’s only greeting.
“Hm?” I prompted, clearing my throat. I carefully dropped to the couch, mindful not to set off the splitting headache in my head.
“Well…” my mother began in a hesitant tone and I scowled, holding my breath for whatever mood killing shit she was about to drop on me.
What the hell was she after now? She only dialed my number when she needed to ruin my day with her demands.
“I’d love for you to come by tomorrow.” She finally said.
My scowl deepened. “Why?”
“I wanted to host a little party in the honour of Gina and I just want you to be there.” She explained but somehow I could tell it was a lie.
“Didn’t she just have her engagement party?” I asked, genuinely curious. What was with these Mafia royalties and parties?
My mother released a sharp breath and I knew she was getting irritated. She had no patience when it came to me. “Yes but I just wanted to hold a smaller one with friends and immediate family. Just us women coming together to brush over the wedding planning details over lunch.”
I forced down the scoff traveling up my throat. She just wanted an excuse to show off to her “friends”. Women that probably didn’t like her and found her insufferable and beneath them.Exclusive content from NôvelDrama.Org.
What I didn’t understand was why it had anything to do with me. I could have asked but I couldn’t risk the irritant nagging I was sure to get. My head was currently going through enough.
I sighed. “Okay,” I said instead, trying to predict just what in the hell I signed myself up for. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.
“Good,” my mother replied, not hiding the satisfaction from her voice.
I tossed the phone to the side once we ended the call and tried to piece my last memories together. I had gotten home, passed out on the bed but somehow woke up on the kitchen floor?
“Arghhh!” I groaned aloud. It was obvious I had drunk myself to stupor and was now experiencing a mega hangover but figuring how I arrived to this point was the real problem.
I found my phone again and tapped it on for the date. It was still the same day and only thirty minutes past six pm.
Crazy, Eva Bridals felt like ages ago.
I opened my message app to see new texts from Gina asking how I was, more like threatening but I knew her heart was in the right place. A small smile tugged at my lips, I really appreciated her concern. I tapped a quick reply telling her I was okay, hesitating for a second before adding the halo smiley face.
I was going to drop my phone when I noticed a chat with an unsaved number. Eyes narrowing, I opened the DM.
My phone dropped out of my hand as my heart sank to my stomach.
No.
I picked up the phone again, my grip on it growing shakier as I read each dreadful chat bubble I had no memory of sending. My gaze coasted to the unsaved recipient and my pulse went haywire. It was unknown but I knew the string of numbers anywhere. I had spent a considerable amount of time staring at it and wondering what it’d be like to call it and hear his deep voice traveling down my ear.
I knew that number by heart just because it was his. I read through the poorly constructed, grammatically incorrect texts I had sent Luca and embarrassment mixed with shame washed over me.
Your sych an asshole yunno
Yuo tthink cus. you fuck good you can treet me howevr you like. Leeving me all by meself once you nutted.
Your un asshole, a huge fucking asshole with a bigg dick.
Your lucky I love you dickk.
I hate yuo
I love your dick but I hyte you.
Byeee.
A tortured groan left me and I flung my phone like it was a poisonous viper before dropping to the rest of the couch, screaming into the worn out leather as my legs flailed about.
I deserved to die. I craved death and I wished for it to take pity on me and send me on my way to the afterlife. I couldn’t go on living after this.
You might have to see him tomorrow. A cruel voice spoke through my frantic thoughts. I screamed again, punching into the couch. I won’t go, I’d call my mother and come up with an excuse. I was never going to run into Luca Salvatore again for as long as I lived.
I jolted back into a sitting position, the realization that I would still go whether I liked it or not plunging me into despair. My face crumpled and I wondered how I went from trauma-panicking to drunk-texting my stepbrother.